35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings

35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings:


funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex:-


“It’s work having a vagina. Guys don’t think that it’s work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesn’t. Every night it’s like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.”

— Amy Schumer funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex

“Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” funny-sex-quotes-funny-quotes-sex

― Mae West funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex

“We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” funny-sex-quotes-funny-quotes-sex

― Lily Tomlin funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex

“If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.”

― Dorothy Parker funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex

35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings
35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings

“Usually I’m on top to keep the guy from escaping.”

— Lisa Lampanelli funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex

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“My wife is a sex object – every time I ask for sex, she objects.”

– Les Dawson funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex


“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

– Robin Williams funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex


“In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.”

— Nora Ephron funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex


“I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.” 

— Chelsea Handler funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex


“Women fake orgasms and men fake finances.”

― Suze Orman


funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex:-

35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings
35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings

“You know that look women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”

― Steve Martin


“I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said ‘No.'”

― Woody Allen


“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”

― Joan Rivers


“My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don’t have sex—ever. Now that the milk is free, we’ve both become lactose intolerant.”

— Margaret Cho

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“I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I’m a romantic. I’m looking for “The One.” And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time.”

– Russell Brand


“I worry about kids today. Because of the sexual revolution they’re going to grow up and never know what “dirty” means.”

Lily Tomlin


“Give me chastity and continence, but not yet!”

Saint Augustine


“Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.”

― Mae West


“I told my girlfriend that unless she expressed her feelings and told me what she liked, I wouldn’t be able to please her. So she said, “Get off me.”

Garry Shandling


“Publishing a sophisticated men’s magazine seemed to me the best possible way of fulfilling a dream I’d been nurturing ever since I was a teenager: to get laid a lot.”

– Hugh Hefner


funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex:-

35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings
35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings

“Skiing is better than sex actually, because for me a good round of sex might be seven minutes. Skiing you can do for seven hours.”

– Spalding Gray


“If I’m not interested in a woman, I’m straight-forward. Right after sex, I usually say, ‘I can’t do this anymore. Thanks for coming over!”

– Vince Vaughn


“Studies show that about half of Americans have sex at work. Coincidentally, that’s the same half that say they are happy with their jobs.”

Melanie White


Sex is like math: you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope you don’t multiply.

― Phil Proctor


“Erotica is using a feather; pornography is using the whole chicken.”

Isabel Allende


“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

George Burns


“The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.”

Woody Allen


“Men like women with a past because they hope history will repeat itself.”

Mae West


“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”

– Joan Rivers


“If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”

– Frank Zappa


funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex:-

35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings
35+ Best Funny Sex Quotes-Funny Quotes about Sex,Sayings

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”

– Billy Crystal


“Is one expected to be a gentleman when one is stiff?”

– Marquis de Sade


“I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it in the street and frighten the horses.”

― Oscar Wilde funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex


“My wife likes to talk to me during sex. In fact, the other day she called
me from a motel.”

 Scotty Record funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex


“If God’s got anything better than sex to offer, he’s certainly keeping it to himself.”

Sting 


“Don’t bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.” funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex

Fran Liebowitz funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex


“My sex life is very bad. If it weren’t for pickpockets I’d have no sex life at all.”

Henny Youngman funny-sex-quotes-quotes-about-sex

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